Letting Go of Dreams

Today I let go of a dream.

I threw away a game that I bought many years ago. It is a really simple dominos game. Like many old board and card games I have possibly outgrown, I simply kept it. Let it collect dust in my cupboard and its components turn yellow.

Looking at the rotting thing and its other aging companions in my cupboard, I wondered last night why I ever kept them. I don’t think I was holding on to them. I was holding on to some dreams, hopes and wishes they represented.

I was holding to the dream that my mom and I could have a fun and playful relationship well into my 20s. I was holding onto the hope that one day my brother would play opposite me, battling out typical sibling rivalry through board games.

It took years to realize some dreams aren’t meant to come true. And Continue reading

Where words fail, music speaks…

*This isn’t comedy or meant to be funny so if you are here to laugh or for something silly, check out another post :)*

“If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.” – Gustav Mahler.

I couldn’t agree with Gustav Mahler’s words more. Within the quote, there is the question of using specific languages or arts to communicate feelings and thoughts. Since English is my first language, I am going to use it to provide examples. English is an impressive language with a great number of synonyms for each word, many of which have different connotative degrees of intensity. For example, the simple word “happy,” which everyone is familiar with, has the synonyms “glad,” “joyous,” “elated” and “ecstatic” and each one seems
Continue reading

When my brother was diagnosed with autism…

*This isn’t comedy or meant to be funny so if you are here to laugh or for something silly, check out another post :)*

I was 10 years old and he was just 1 month shy of his 4th birthday. “He’s autistic,” the doctor said to my mother. Plainly and honestly, the doctor said something that changed my family’s lives forever. Till then, they stated late development disorder but when he was still not verbal at nearly 4, the diagnosis was inevitable. He didn’t walk until he was 2 and a half years old, had a capable voice but couldn’t articulate words and he couldn’t communicate verbally or otherwise.

What ensued after were a lot tears, anguish, anger and resentment. My mother cried for hours, days and weeks. My father couldn’t

Continue reading