Letting Go of Dreams

Today I let go of a dream.

I threw away a game that I bought many years ago. It is a really simple dominos game. Like many old board and card games I have possibly outgrown, I simply kept it. Let it collect dust in my cupboard and its components turn yellow.

Looking at the rotting thing and its other aging companions in my cupboard, I wondered last night why I ever kept them. I don’t think I was holding on to them. I was holding on to some dreams, hopes and wishes they represented.

I was holding to the dream that my mom and I could have a fun and playful relationship well into my 20s. I was holding onto the hope that one day my brother would play opposite me, battling out typical sibling rivalry through board games.

It took years to realize some dreams aren’t meant to come true. And Continue reading

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A Cursed Love

I should be used to the arguments and insults exchanged

But each time you leave me more devastated than the last.

The fight comes to an end but the pain remains unchanged

As we are both doomed to these vile reiterations of the past.
Maybe the problem in this relationship is you or maybe me

Or that this whole relationship is a complete cosmic mistake.

But I am bound to you by the blood in each vein and artery

And burdened by an unconditional love I can no longer take.
—–

There are times I really wish I could switch off my emotion and cut ties with everyone. I don’t want love, family, friends or anything else. I just want to be alone. I would rather be lonely than depressed from arguing with a loved one. I will be fine after some time because you forgive and forget but then history is bound to repeat itself and it is the future repeat of this I dread more than the present sorrow. This one post will hopefully be the only sad one, this is a humour blog I am proud of and I want to keep it that way. Sometimes, you just want to be raw, real and honest and this was one of those times.

When my brother was diagnosed with autism…

*This isn’t comedy or meant to be funny so if you are here to laugh or for something silly, check out another post :)*

I was 10 years old and he was just 1 month shy of his 4th birthday. “He’s autistic,” the doctor said to my mother. Plainly and honestly, the doctor said something that changed my family’s lives forever. Till then, they stated late development disorder but when he was still not verbal at nearly 4, the diagnosis was inevitable. He didn’t walk until he was 2 and a half years old, had a capable voice but couldn’t articulate words and he couldn’t communicate verbally or otherwise.

What ensued after were a lot tears, anguish, anger and resentment. My mother cried for hours, days and weeks. My father couldn’t

Continue reading