Rules for all Survey-Takers!

Now I know that taking a survey can be a pain sometimes but do have some consideration for the person on the other side – that poor employee at the market research agency trying to collate the data a.k.a. me. Now I have to read all the surveys you fill in on paper or online, put all the details in a giant data table on MS Excel and present it to the client who issued the surveys in the first place. And my life would be so much easier if you could follow these really simple rules:

1. Either fill it or don’t, but don’t overfill it! – Sometimes, there are questions that ask for suggestions or feedback followed by some lines to write your answer. Writing out an answer compared to just ticking an option can be tedious so I understand if you don’t want to though companies appreciate any and all feedback, despite how minor and insignificant you think it is. But you don’t have to write an essay! Spilling a little on to the blank space is okay, using every centimetre of white space available on the survey paper is unacceptable! I saw a survey yesterday that wrote within the three lines given… And in all the 1-inch page margins of the survey. Hey consumer, I thought you were trying to fit the Old Testament there! No! Don’t! Please, I’m begging you!

2. Why are you wasting your time creating new options?! – See, when we give you options for a question, it is so that you choose and then we can compare the number of people who chose each option. You might think you are being smart or considerate by creating your own option but we curse you to the moon and back when you do that. Let me give you instances where I have seen this ridiculous thing.

“Have you met your goals this year? Yes/No” – The consumer writes instead “Somehow” that is more or less a positive response so I am going to take that as a yes despite your painful efforts to write a new option. Screw you!

“How was your sales performance? Good/Average/Poor” – The consumer adds “Too early to tell” if you can’t report anything, just don’t fill anything cause I am putting “not filled” when I add you survey to my data table. Screw you too!

3. The question asks for one option only, not one idiot please – Please only choose the number of options the question asks for! Most of the time you just have to choose one. I genuinely wonder what the hell is your fudging thought process when you choose “yes”, “no” AND “maybe”. You are either indecisive, stupid or an asshole. Or like you, I want to choose all three to describe you.

We value your feedback… but keep the bullshit to a minimum.


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