The First Ever

Currently, at 2:06 a.m, I am sitting at my desk typing up this very sentence in Times New Roman, font size 12. Not 11. Not 13. 12 – like most other things from assignments to poetry I like to e-publish that I have typed before this moment*. I am not sure why I have always liked to type in Times New Roman and in size 12. Perhaps at some point in time I was required to keep a school essay in that very format and then fell irrevocably in love with it – because every normal human being falls in love with a particular font and text size and gets enraged when Word’s default is Calibri, 11.

However, I promise you I do not have obsessive compulsive disorder except when it comes to typing. And grammar (though I will humbly admit mine may not be perfect). And dirty dishes, which could easily be cleaned in 3 minutes of washing instead of 30 minutes of mind-numbingly relentless scrubbing. Sometimes I think I could generate all the energy needed to run my house from just the mechanical motion of my hands** moving back and forth trying to scrub the very colour off my colourful kitchenware – which are actually just colourful plastic plates and cups from IKEA’s children section. Which may prompt you to wonder about my age. Which may prompt you to wonder more about the author behind the words you are reading.

I am an alien. Or not. Okay, maybe not. I don’t want some secret government agents bursting through my doors and windows and disrupting my beauty sleep. Trust me, I need a lot of that. I am a fellow human being who is going to masquerade as an identity-less “It” on the internet for fun. And also because the anonymity gives me pseudo-confidence that allows me to publish the rubbish that I type online. I call it pseudo-confidence because it is more like an adrenaline rush rather than the inner strength that I perceive to be true confidence. Perhaps that will come someday – like the extra three inches in height I have always dreamed of. But maybe some dreams aren’t meant to be realised. Nevertheless, I think the possibility of achieving them should motivate you rather than their certainty so I will keep stretching up on my tip-toes every night. But, this shit is way too deep for a first ever blog entry. For now, I am just a fellow human being who randomly decided to start typing out every thought it had since conceiving the very original title “The First Ever.”

So what is the point of all of this rambling? Nothing. Nothing whatsoever. You probably think that I am joking. Well, I just wanted to see what my thoughts were like undistracted by any impeding needs and without any editing and this is the outcome of that burning midnight curiosity. #nofilter. I was also inspired to write after reading the book “My Life as an Experiment” by A. J. Jacobs an hour ago and finishing “Hyperbole and a Half” by Allie Brosh before that. Their books are hilarious and written in a light conversational tone and I wanted to try out something similar. Hence, this post. Hence (hopefully), future posts. This blog is going to be filled with silly ramblings, interesting life experiences, random insights and borrowed snippets and ideas from the vast variety of videos I see, the books I read and the people I encounter. Yes, I am claiming this blog is only going to be 87.6% original. I love to create and publish but I also love to discover and share. I have an imagination to create and eyes that appreciate and now a blog to share it all with you. Which makes me wonder if there is even a “you”. A reader who has survived thus far and clearly deserves a drink. Whoever you are and wherever you are, you are amazing so cheers!

This blog is probably what you would be served at a restaurant if you rudely asked, “1 Nothing, please!” and mentioned you were not going to leave a tip.

Yours Sincerely,

It.

*Random fact #1: Moment was an actual measurement of time in the medieval times. An hour was one twelfth of the time period between sunrise and sunset and it was made up of 40 moments. You’re welcome.

**Random fact #2: This is actually completely possible by human powered electrical generators. Seriously. Google It. You’re welcome.

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